I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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