Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
