i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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