the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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