Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
