I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
