She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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