i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
