just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
