Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
soo... how was my night?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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