I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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