textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
