you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
