you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I have feelings that need drinking.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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