just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
