Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
