i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
