this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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