Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
