What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
