what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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