I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
