Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize