dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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