I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
