My cat gives me a boner
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize