i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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