I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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