They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There r osticjed everywhere
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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