Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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