Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
