Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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