man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
