After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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