She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
