Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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