Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize