your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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