dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
