be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize