is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
