shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
