Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
