im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
