Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
