I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
