You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
