Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize