i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
