Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
