can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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