I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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