Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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