Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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