The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
