Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
