my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
