Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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