Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
