Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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