Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
