Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
