who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
